Friday Author Interview Series: Cara Lopez Lee

“On my journey, I learned that ‘The purpose of my life is not to get what I want. The purpose of my life is to become who I am.’ I hope my story inspires women to approach life as an adventure.”             – Cara Lopez Lee

What inspired your book?

I’d wanted to write a novel ever since I read Little Women in third grade, but I thought authors were magicians, not mortals like me. When I was a TV journalist in Alaska, the dream returned, but this time I didn’t think I had enough life experience to write a book. So I saved money for a world trek. At 35, I spent a year traveling throughout America, Asia, and Europe. Afterward, I tried to turn my experiences into a novel, but my journalistic habits were strong, and what came out was nonfiction. They Only Eat Their Husbands: A Memoir of Alaskan Love, World Travel, and the Power of Running Away is the story of my nine years in the Last Frontier, where I landed in a love triangle with two alcoholics, and the year I ran away to backpack around the world alone. On my journey, I learned that “The purpose of my life is not to get what I want. The purpose of my life is to become who I am.” I hope my story inspires women to approach life as an adventure.

What was the hardest part about completing your book?

It was tough finding the pattern in my experiences that yielded a meaningful story, and then carving away the excess. A world journey may yield an epiphany a day – but 365 epiphanies does not make a story. The pattern I discovered kept coming back to relationships. So, everything that dealt with the strange world of relationships: I kept. Everything else: I threw out.

Did you learn any lessons in the book creation process, if so what where they?

I learned that a compelling story structure is just as important as beautiful sentences. My story wouldn’t have had as much dramatic tension if told chronologically. So I framed it as a journal about my solo travels, which led to reflections on my crazy relationships in Alaska. Each of these two stories provided a counterpoint for the other, allowing me to build excitement. A book is like a puzzle: once you complete the frame, it’s easier to fill in the pieces.

Did you enlist support in getting your book done? If so, what kind of support?

I asked friends and fellow writers for feedback on my writing. I also joined writers’ organizations in my community and online for support and networking. Those groups include the Lighthouse Writers Workshop, Denver Woman’s Press Club, and She Writes.

What tips or advice do you have for aspiring authors?

My number one piece of advice is: build a support network of fellow writers. Writing can be lonely, and having the support of people who understand provides tremendous psychological strength. Networking is important for many reasons: finding mentors to help improve your craft, learning the business of writing, and making professional connections.

If you published, how did you find your publisher and what enticed you to go the traditional route?

They Only Eat Their Husbands was published by Ghost Road Press, an independent publisher in Denver. At one point, I had an agent who shopped my book to major houses. When no one bit, I shopped it to smaller publishers on my own. I met my editor at a conference, where he offered me a contract. This felt like a fairy tale, but it was a long road to that happy ending: a year to find an agent, a year to not find a major publisher, and a year of rejections from small presses before landing a contract. I’ve also worked on collaborative projects that have been self-published. I still shop my work to traditional publishers, because some readers may be more likely to check out my writing if they know it has been vetted. But I consider self-publishing a great alternative, which offers authors more freedom to choose the way their work is presented.

If you had to do your book all over again, would you?

I’d absolutely do it again. Writing isn’t easy, but it’s a profound way to connect with others. It gives me joy to hear from readers who feel that connection. Writing my memoir also helped make me a better writer for my novel, which I now have the courage to write. What’s more, I believe that every book I write helps me become a better person. As I sift life’s chaos for patterns and meaning, I discover what it is to be human. This has made me more compassionate with others and more patient with myself.

Are you writing or planning to write an additional book(s)?

Back in the Real World is a novel I co-authored with a Vietnam vet, which recently came out as an e-book. It’s the story of a Vietnam War veteran and a Vietnam War orphan who must both face the past to find healing. I’m currently writing a historical novel inspired by my Mexican and Chinese ancestors and their immigrant journey to the American West.

What else would you like to share about you or your book?

My memoir’s title refers to a praying mantis who shared my bungalow in Thailand. I’d heard that a female mantis bites the head off a male after mating. This lack of boundaries concerned me, so I asked a German traveler if he thought she might bite. He told me not to worry because, “They only eat their husbands.” I found this a funny metaphor for detaching from the desperate search for romance. I wouldn’t go as far as a mantis, of course… My husband says I’m saving him for dessert.

Many people ask where I’ve traveled. Here are the places that made it into my memoir: Alaska, China, Thailand, Nepal, Greece, Italy, Spain, Ireland.

How can people find out more about your book?

You can find out more about my book at www.TheyOnlyEatTheirHusbands.com, or the Facebook Page for They Only Eat Their Husbands. Or tweet me on Twitter: @CaraLopezLee.